Love Poem To A Hot Dog

Oh thou frankfurt between a bun,
Why dost thou cause me so much fun?
I love thee for breakfast for lunch and for tea
I love thee in between times, constantly.
Tho' thy quality varies from New York to Rome,
Thou art there late at night for me to take home.
Thy savs are as red as my true love's lips
Thou art a sexual experience, without any hips.
Why don't they serve thee for holy communion,
A bite of the hot god for ecstatic union?
I eat thee for sustenance courage and thrills,
With or without mustard sauce or frills,
And my rampant appetite thou always appeaseth,
With or without mustard sauce or cheeseeth,
And a seven course dinner I never lack -
A hot dog and the old six pack.
Tho' thy tendency is to leap from the bun,
The butter to melt and the sauce to run,
My mouth is there to catch as catch can,
I bite thee off and man oh man,
When thou art gone I feel satisfied,
I love thee so much I get very tongue tied!
As the Buddhist monk said when he bought one to sing -
"Make me one.....with everything!"

Bedtime Prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep.

One who's handsome, smart and strong.
Who's not afraid to admit when he is wrong

One who thinks before he speaks.
When he promises to call, he doesn't wait six weeks.

I pray that he is gainfully employed,
Won't lose his cool when he's annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh send me a man who will make love to my mind.
Know what to say when I ask "How fat is my behind?

"One who'll make love till my body's a' itchin'
He brings ME a sandwich too, when he goes to the kitchen.

I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never compare me to my best friend.

Thank you in advance and now I'll just wait,
For I know you will send him before it's too late.

Amen

If you get caught sleeping at your desk

1. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.

2. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.

3. Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper.

4. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!

5. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!

6. I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance.

7. Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP). I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.

8. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.

9. Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.

10. The coffee machine is broken.